Tuesday, 27 October 2015

I don't want to be an 'Eve'

    My title leaves me singing the song, 'I don't wanna be a sheep, Baa Baa Baa Baa.'  Anyone else know that one?  It's kind of fitting, but also irritating because now it's running through my head on repeat.

     I used to view Eve (the mate for Adam, mother of all, first woman etc) at a rather shallow level.  As in:
                 "Hey thanks for ruining life for the rest of us here.  If you can't do it right with a perfect husband, perfect body, perfect home, and a stress free life, how am I supposed to do it?"  And of course "Pregnancy is hard, labour is worse.  Periods are not awesome, cramps are not fun, and now I have to buy big boxes of sanitary items which just leads to embarrasing moments."

     I will elaborate on that last one.  It was truly an awkward moment.   I was in **stco and of course that is THE land of bulk.  All 4 of my not so little's were with me.  And it's hard because my oldest two are old enough to ignore certain items in my cart (bless them ), the other two are young enough to notice and then loudly, LOUDLY, ask, "Are those diapers???  Why are you buying diapers??"  And they both felt the need to repeat the question, because once is never enough.  There was a really nice older looking gentleman about two feet away and (shamefully) I thought, "Please be deaf."  My oldest was embarrassed for me and my daughter was smirking.  I know I should be past that phase of dreading those purchases, and nobody really cares....unless kids make a scene,

     Back on track.  Eve, she had it all and lost it all.  God redeemed, He had a plan, and He has made a way for me.  I am thankful, I am grateful, and I am still in the uncomfortable process of being refined.  Eve has left her mark on a far greater legacy than just the superficial area's of life.  I look back at her tempting Adam into sin with her.  I'm sure she must have made a beautiful picture.  Standing in a beautiful garden, in all her perfection, a body of beauty, seducing her husband to...eat fruit?  Yet it wasn't her physical form that did the damage, I believe it was her use of words.  Now the Bible doesn't tell us what she said, but do we really think that perfect Adam would just take without some form of encouragement?  Genesis 3:17 says "....because you have listened to the voice of your wife..."  We know she said SOMETHING, yet he knew the law..God had personally given it to him.  And yet his mate of a short short time was able to entice him to disobey knowing full well that it was wrong.

     It is important to note that Eve herself was first deceived because of the serpent's crafty use of speech, and she bought into it.  This legacy that Eve has handed down is not pretty because it shows that we (women) are easier to deceive than our male counterparts.  Adam blatantly disobeyed, but the serpent had to talk to Eve and play on her emotions and thinking skills in order to deceive her.  And there we have it...the beginning of thinking too much and over-analazying everything to death....literally to death!

     Maybe you are the rare woman who doesn't do this...then I don't know you.  Because the women in my circle think...all the time.  Ask your husband "What are you thinking about?"  What's the answer?  NOTHING.  Obviously not all the time, but they have the remarkable ability to simply sit and just 'Be.'  It's become a joke between Gord and I, so much so that I now ask the more important question, "Are you thinking?"  And then we can go from there.  I'm not say men don't think, but it's a given that woman never stop and it makes our men tired.

     The moments I most regret in my marriage are the times when I used words to get what I wanted.  I didn't yell, or hurl accusations, but I badgered and used words very cleverly.  It's shameful to even write it.  I'm forgiven, but it still makes me cringe to remember those times.

     As women God has gifted us with an ability to speak and to speak well.  I wish I always used it to encourage my family.  To speak truth to others, to share Salvation to those around me, instead of using it for my own agenda or personal vendetta.  Yet like everything, there seems to be an abuse of what should be a gift.  Our words hurt and wound others.  We carelessly use words like 'hate, forgiveness, grace..etc' not realizing or caring that we cause others to stumble around us.  Eve caused Adam to stumble.  He paid dearly for his blatant disobedience and his physical paradise became a harsh environment.  I believe that greater than the physical consequence was the conflict now between the man and the woman.  No longer was there perfect harmony but a battle of wills, and that usually involves words.

     I don't want to be an Eve.  I don't want to control or guide my husband, intentionally or unintentionally with my words.  And as much as my flesh desires to control the world I live in, I have to choose to fight my nature.

     Gord and I were in the vehicle and I was angry, hurt, (not at him) and voicing my frustrations.  When I finally just said "You know, right now I'm actually trying to get you upset so you will do what I want so don't listen to what I'm saying."  It was true and I knew it, I admitted it we laughed about it. He was calm and heard me out, but I also saw the truth of why I was venting and it was enough to calm me down.  I fight this nature of mine everyday.  I'm a wife and a mom.  I use words a lot.

       I have found that arguing is useless and a waste of energy.  Besides some things are just too hard too change, and I can prove it.  We've been together for 16 years and I cannot make him drink coffee or eat cilantro.  No amount of pleading or coercing has worked.  So maybe Eve should have tried the coffee tree.